A Now Foster Story: We love seeing her dream big dreams, knowing that we have been able to help her on her journey to make them come true.
Ali and Tim live in Oxfordshire. They originally welcomed a seven year old girl to their home as a short-term placement, alongside their three children, who at the time were teenagers. This placement turned into a long-term one, and they have been championing foster care for the past eight years! Tim is a partner at a large construction company, and Ali has a background in education.
What drew you to becoming a foster family?
Initially, a strong sense of injustice: hearing stories and seeing the heartbreaking statistics for children with care experience, we had a strong sense that we needed to be part of the solution, even if it was just about giving one child an opportunity to have a better future. We also had the room and ability to help a young person in need of a loving family environment.
What are the rewarding moments of fostering?
The simple things, meal times and family occasions when everyone is together, and there is laughter, fun and a sense of contentment. It may be dancing together in the garden, watching a movie or discussing a favourite book. In fact, any time when she is happy, content and carefree.
She has a love of performing arts and is so talented. We have loved supporting her in her musical theatre interests through weekly singing lessons, dance summer camps and being part of the local youth theatre company. It’s amazing watching her pursue her dreams and the way her face lights up when she is on the stage. We love seeing her dream big dreams, knowing that we have been able to help her on her journey to make them come true.
Overall, we have seen her become an independent young woman with a strong sense of justice and a desire to help others who find themselves in a similar situation to herself. We are so proud of her.
Can you tell us about a fostering moment that made you laugh?
There are too many of those, but it usually involves dancing in the kitchen or the garden! There was also the occasion she put loom bands on her teeth so she could look like our older child who had just had coloured braces fitted. Also the time when she got really into the Harry Potter books and would insist on wearing Harry Potter glasses to do her homework!
What are the challenging moments of being a foster carer?
Probably for us managing family dynamics as part of a big family. When we started fostering all three of our children were at home, managing the ups and downs of their teenage years. Our foster daughter was only 7 and so it was difficult to give everyone the attention they needed all of the time. We had lots of friends and family around us who helped us make it work, including another foster carer who provided one-to-one attention, activities and fun experiences for our foster daughter.
What do you think makes a good foster carer?
You need to provide a home which is safe, and where the young person feels valued, included and loved. In order to do this, you need a strong support network around your family and the ability to love without condition.
You also need to develop an understanding of trauma-related behaviour, and bring huge amounts of patience and empathy. The learning never stops, and we have benefited from lots of opportunities to learn about attachment, trauma and how to best support children who have had challenging life experiences.
Most importantly, you need to get to know the young person in your care, get alongside them to understand their dreams and help them pursue them. A good sense of humour and lots of fun also helps!
What’s your message for future foster carers?
Make sure you have a good support network, be keen to learn and to be flexible. Stay calm, the storms do pass, and don’t forget to make time to have fun together!
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