A Now Foster Story: Never hold back from demanding the very best for the child in your care
Martin, 61 is a journalist, writer and foster carer. With his wife, Lorna, he has been fostering since 2010 and has looked after 30 children aged 0–16. He works to campaign for a better care system and is editor of Week in Care.
What initially drew you to becoming a foster carer?
Lorna and I both had a bumpy start to life. We both have large families and had spent much time supporting siblings and friends through difficult times. Fostering always seemed like a natural next step for us.
What made you keep going?
We really do believe that fostering has enriched our own lives, as well as helping others. We are in touch with many of our foster children and continue to be important in their lives. We have been present for so many ‘firsts’ … first steps, first day at school, riding without stabilisers, first boyfriend, first time drunk, first car, first meeting with a new mummy and daddy. How can you not want to be part of this?
What was most difficult about being a foster carer?
Fostering puts pressure on your own family. Relationships that do not encompass fostering tend to struggle. Keeping in touch with friends is difficult because you have less and less in common. Saying goodbye to children is really hard, but so is accepting that a placement must end because there is nothing more you can do for a young person.
What advice would you give to someone considering fostering?
Never hold back from demanding the very best for the child in your care, and be prepared to do battle with anyone and everyone. The best fostering is often done at the school gate. You have to get in there, build trust with mums and dads and form friendships that will sustain your children through the ups and downs of being in care. When they move on and new children arrive, you have to start all over again. Finally, children will stay with you much longer than anyone expects on Day One and you should be prepared for this.
What did your children make of having foster siblings?
Our two daughters have always been exceptionally supportive in sharing their parents with other children. We could not foster without them. These days, we are also grandparents and we have to help our young grandchildren navigate the uncertainties of fostering, which isn’t easy.
Are you still in touch with any of your foster children?
Yes! We have a large extended family, which includes former foster children but also their new families and carers. We try to see everyone at least once a year (sometimes more often) and send gifts/cards on birthdays and at Christmas. Their photos are on the walls of our home, which both delights and embarrasses them.
Anything else we should have asked?
The process to become a foster carer is long and tough. It can feel intrusive at times and you may want to walk away. But please stick with it. Make the most of opportunities to connect with other foster carers and learn from them. When it gets personal, use the experience to reflect on what affected you during your childhood and helped to make you the person you are today. We all carry burdens: unpicking your own experiences will make you a better foster carer.
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