A Now Foster story: After three weeks they were part of the family
Extracted from ‘Upside Down Management’, by Sir John Timpson
Sir John Timpson CBE is a British businessman, the chairman and owner of Timpson, a UK shoe repair chain with over 2000 shops. Together with his wife Alex, who died in 2016, he had three children, adopted two more, and fostered another 90. Timpson now has a weekly management column in The Daily Telegraph and has written several books about his management style and another series about attachment theory and looking after children in care.
My wife, Alex was a nursery nurse (a nanny) when I first met her. We were married in 1967 and thirteen months later, Victoria was born. James arrived two years later and Edward two years after that. We were set for a typical family life.
I had a new, stimulating job and we had moved into the house that Alex regarded as the perfect family home.
It all changed when our youngest child, Edward, went to school. Alex very quickly found long days with no children in the house difficult to take. She tried charity committees, but soon discovered that she was a lady who did not lunch. In addition to being a housewife, she needed another job.
One day, she spotted an advertisement for Foster Carers, and that was it. Once Alex has an idea, she goes for it. Soon I was being interviewed by my first social worker. Morven Sowerbutts met us to find out whether we knew anything about fostering (which I didn’t) and see if we were really determined to go ahead (which Alex, of course, was).
Eventually, we were approved by the fostering panel as short-term foster parents, but nothing happened for six months.
Fostering had gone from my mind when, one Friday, I returned from work to find two extra children. The boys, aged 3 and 4, were free-range, not used to regular bed or meal times, and had never used a knife, fork or spoon. Their language impressed our children. The 3-year-old rode a tricycle round the room shouting ‘f*“ off at the top of his voice, and they quickly copied him!
Their behaviour was different, as I discovered the following morning when I took the two boys shopping to Wilmslow. In Silvios, the baker’s shop on Grove Street, the 4-year-old tugged fiercely on my arm. ‘John, John that woman’s got big busters.’ Everyone looked at me. I smiled at the well-endowed lady, with an expression which I hope said: ‘Very sorry, I’m a new foster parent and this is my first day.’ But the children soon fell into our routine, and after three weeks they were part of the family.
Dinner party questions
Fostering changed our approach to dinner parties, which, in any case, I find conversationally difficult. Then we started fostering. It is a subject you cannot avoid. Someone asks you about your family and that starts it off. ‘How many children do you have?’ It’s a simple question for most people, but was quite difficult for me. I would reply ‘Well, it depends on what you mean.’ Immediately my inquisitor would think that I had a string of ex-wives. To clear the air I would say that we are foster parents. Fostering would then dominate the conversation and there would be expressions of sympathy, disbelief and embarrassed admiration.
A favourite dinner-party question is:
‘Which children do you remember most?'
Our most disruptive visitors were 6-month-old triplets. They only stayed for four weeks but we will never forget them.
Alex had extra help from the Social Services during the day, and I was on duty at night. Early morning and late night feeding were a joint effort. We started at 5.30 a.m. to ensure that the triplets were fed before our own children went to school and I left for work. Alex relished the task and enjoyed taking the triplets out in a specially made three-berth buggy to incredulous stares from Wilmslow shoppers. Strangers approached Alex with an odd question: 'Are these real live triplets?’
Two boys who stayed with us for the best part of a year became very much part of the family. We went to their school concerts, a Nativity Play, parent/teacher meetings, and their school friends came to play at our home. We got to know their parents well. They were addicted to drugs and were in a rehabilitation centre 50 miles away. Over the months, Alex made several trips with the children to see their parents. The marriage eventually broke down and the children went back to live with their mother.
When the calls came from Social Services we had no idea how long the children were going to stay. One enquiry came just before we were going on holiday. We had booked a family fortnight in a house in Portugal and Social Services rang five days before we were due to depart. It was late July, and no other suitable foster parents were available. The only answer was for the two boys to join our family party, but that proved to be more difficult than expected. The holiday company were less than sympathetic; they wanted to charge a premium rate for the late booking. I ignored them and arranged separate flights through a bucket shop. Six months later, they were still with us. The older boy became our only long-term foster child and stayed for 10 years.
Another dinner party question is:
‘What do your birth children think of it all?'
Edward showed that it was not all plain sailing when the first child arrived; he hid in his room. But later he took such an interest in fostering that (at the age of 16) he lectured the whole of Uppingham School about fostering and adoption. Later he became a barrister, specialising in family law. In 2008 he was elected MP for Crewe and Nantwich and quickly became a member of the select committee for Children, Schools and Families.
Our daughter, Victoria, developed a career as a primary school teacher and James, Timpson’s current Managing Director, inherited his mother’s social conscience too.
As the dinner party draws to a close, there is still one more question:
‘What are your most vivid memories?’
I remember the big groups for Sunday lunch — often a dozen or more sitting round the table. Particularly the awkward 11 year old who ran away and hid in our large garden just as we were about to drive to the airport to go on a skiing holiday. I remember going to Euro Disney, with Alex leading a group with a mother and her children all on their first trip abroad.
Once when we had three short-term foster children staying with us I went to the local garage to buy newspapers and sweets before breakfast. The woman behind the counter gave a sympathetic smile. She asked about the children and I explained that they were fostered. ‘I’ve always thought of doing that, she said. I have heard this remark many times. Lots of people think about fostering but few do anything about it. Thanks to Alex we did.
I am lucky. Alex brought experiences into our lives that few people will have had the privilege to enjoy.
In 2006 Alex received the MBE for services to children and declared that she would like to foster one last sibling group (which brought the total number of children up to 90). This short-term placement extended to two years. They were what Social Services called a challenging family. When they arrived they were aged 5, 3 and 2. It was in many ways one of the most successful placements we had, and we really felt we had made a difference. They also confirmed our suspicion that it was time to retire as foster carers, and we de-registered in 2009.
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